that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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