Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
