no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
