There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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