Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
