Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
