ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
