yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's always time for handjobs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
