i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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