My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cannot find my penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize