we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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