I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
