Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
