I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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