Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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