You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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