I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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