return my video game
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They took my balls.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
