And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
