me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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