Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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