After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
