I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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