I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
