I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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