Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
