my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
