so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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