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I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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