i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
