his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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