The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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