Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
