4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
