I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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