just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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