apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize