I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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