Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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