Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
