As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
