I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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