i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
