Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
