3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
