Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
