let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
