I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
