It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
