I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
