that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
