Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
