ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
