nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
