I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
