My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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