Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize