fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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