Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
