you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
