someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
