I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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