I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
