She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
