last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
