May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
