his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
