Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
please don't ironically join a cult
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