Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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