Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
