yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have post one night stand depression
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
