He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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