i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
