i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
