there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
