Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
