I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
