No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
