i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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