First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
