she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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