I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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